One Month In...

Today marks the end of my first month of sabbatical and the start of month two, so I thought I'd take this moment between the chores, reading, and hilarious toddler dance parties to reflect a bit and update you on what I'm learning so far. Though it's been a chaotic few weeks, there are three things that have been stuck out to me so far...

Much improved, no?

1: Uncluttered office, uncluttered soul – I don't know about correlation or causation, but there's definitely a connection. As I’ve cleared my desk of the accumulated debris from a productive and busy year on campus, I’ve felt more and more able to listen and hear from God. It’s as if every page of teaching notes, every book, every random pen, photo, or long-forgotten granola bar was contributing to an annoying spiritual static. As I find a home for each one in a binder, bookshelf, or garbage bin, it chips away at the static, leaving one less thing to distract me from God’s invitation. And what has God been saying…?

2: “Evan, chill” – At least I think that’s what God’s been saying. Does God use contemporary colloquialisms? (That would be an interesting project to research!) Regardless, I’m learning I sometimes take things too seriously, that I’m a little slow to give anxieties over to Christ, that I hold onto hurts, grudges, and disappointments for far too long. When Jesus invites me to share his yoke, I respond slowly and reluctantly. The reasons for that are myriad, I’m sure, and there’s plenty of time to explore them later. For now, however, I hear through the diminishing clutter of my office (and my soul) God’s invitation: “Evan, chill.”

This view is helping
me to chill, though :)

3: Rest feels... weird – That invitation to chill has been tough, though. Since disengaging from my regular ministry work, I’ve been learning that my sense of self flows too much from my sense of productivity. I think first of myself as a minister, and when I’m not “producing” ministry, I feel disoriented and frustrated. I’ve become increasingly anxious and moody in the absence of my familiar (and safe) rhythms of work (and sometimes overwork), an imbalance for which I hope the rest of sabbatical will prove an antidote. I’m reminded of Paul’s experience of contentment in any circumstance, want or plenty. I need to learn contentment in circumstances of leisure or busyness, while relaxing or being swamped, for the sake of my identity first as a child of God, a husband, a father, and then as a minister and missionary.

Please pray with me as I begin month two. I’m planning to spend the next few weeks in exploration of spiritual disciplines and my enneagram type – these, I hope, will help me cultivate a more properly ordered sense of self. If you’d like to read along with me, pick up copies of Richard Foster’s Celebration of Discipline, Adele Calhoun’s Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, or pick up a copy of The Essential Enneagram to learn more about this fascinating spiritual formation tool.

Thanks for checking in!